I already did my bit of getting up obscenely early and standing outside in the cold a few weeks ago when Target was selling these,
Jones Sodas given a special Fallout 4 makeover. (They only had eleven bottles for the whole store. About twice that many people got in line before the store opened. I was lucky number five.)
So this morning I stayed home and slept in.
… the ability to read. Especially in social situations where I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
… store brand Midol, because cramps have great timing.
… my amazing boyfriend who will make me mac-n-cheese with hotdogs because neither of us ate enough at his family’s Thanksgiving dinner.
… delicious macaroni and cheese with hotdogs.
… Trader Joe’s Candy Cane Green Tea. It makes everything feel better.
Depending on who I’m talking to, I either say the super generic “I have health issues.” or the slightly more specific “I have Epstein Barr.” I say slightly more specific because as of right now the CDC says “About 90% of adults have antibodies that show that they have a current or past EBV infection.” So… a lot of people have EBV. Thankfully the majority of them might never even knew they had it. Some people, usually when they’re in their teens or early twenties, get what we’re used to hearing of as “Mono.” or the “kissing disease”. They might be extremely tired for a while, but they usually completely recover after a few weeks, a month or two at most. But in some cases the body doesn’t know how to deal with the infection, and you can end up fighting it for years, if not the rest of your life.
Officially my diagnoses states I have “Post Viral Syndrome.” Also Anxiety, Migraines, and Depression. Because our bodies are complicated, and can have all sorts of things wrong with them at once. If I compare my body to a smart phone, what this means on a daily basis is that my “battery” is broken. The EBV effectively reduces my battery’s capacity, because my system is constantly busy fighting the infection, and when I sleep my body doesn’t recharge fully. When I’m awake I have multiple “apps”running that drain my system. Depression and anxiety are like malware that I can’t turn off. They sit in my system eating up my energy and distorting what I can see. Migraines are like system crashes, requiring me to power completely off before I can repair the damage. I can ration my battery life, and find ways to recharge throughout the day, but eventually it comes down to math. (And I hate math.)
You might already be familiar with The Spoon Theory. It’s Christine Miserandino’s way of explaining living with severely limited energy. You only have so many “spoons” to get you through the day, and each task or obstacle uses up a spoon. In my mind, it’s battery bars. I start each day with a variable amount of energy, represented by a bar.
I can sometimes do things that bring back a bar or two (like naps, I love naps) 
but mostly the math is all about taking them away.
If I don’t ration my energy well enough, I run the risk of running out of power before the end of the day.
“Running out of power” can mean having to cancel plans, leaving work early, or in extreme situations, losing consciousness. Obviously I do everything I can to make sure this doesn’t happen. Fainting isn’t as much fun as cheesy romance novels make it sound.
When I do my best, and I’m lucky, I can make it through a day without anyone even noticing I’m struggling.
This is the first year I’ve had access to fresh homegrown veggies. Greg helps tend three different gardens, so he brought home a few ripe veggies every few days this summer and autumn. After he brought home the first pumpkin, I impulsively named it “Robert”. After Robert, we had the tiny casper pumpkin that I named either Marvin or Martin. But we can’t remember which, so we’ve just been calling him Marvin/Martin, one word.
Greg isn’t used to naming produce, and the somewhat inevitable result, eating produce you’ve given a name to. He’s an amazing cook. Often making things from scratch like Chicken Balti, and Homemade Eggnog. So his desire to eat the delicious food is stronger than his squeamishness. But he has been acting oddly lately,
he decided the veggies need faces…
Poor poor Alejandro. You will be missed, but you were very yummy
brokenbattery 